“Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.”
It sure sounds real nice. But the Golden Rule sets autistic people up for failure. Quite often, I want to be treated in a way that other people decidedly don’t want to be treated.
The most common way this plays out is as follows. Most people who are sick or sad want to be taken care of by their loved ones, want to be nurtured. When I am sick or sad, I would love for you to leave me alone unless I come to you. I need that time to process in my head. I know exactly what I need and it’s rarely what your instincts tell you that I need. If I am sick or sad I often accept people’s help to make them feel good, but it’s emotional labor for me, and it’s using up resources I don’t have in that state. That’s kind of perverse, but it’s one of the many things I thought were personal failings that I’ve learned are a part of autism.
If you are autistic or love someone autistic, please don’t take the Golden Rule at face value. Think about what the person you’re worried about needs from you, not what you would need in the same situation. And please believe them and know it’s not about you if they tell you what they need is to be left alone.
Performance Autist 